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CBAE Grant - LoveU2®: Communication Smarts
Love U2® Communication Smarts (PREP® for Teens) Lesson 1: Destructive Patterns in Relationships (F2) Activities: 1. Starter Activity, (pgs 2-4); 5. Insights from Marital Research (pgs 11-12). Contributes to teens’ understanding of the potential beneficial effects of marriage to the well-being of adults. Teens learn about the findings from marital research on success and failure and the benefits of positive interactions for relationships and marriage. It continues by examining what research has discovered about the corrosive effect of these patterns. (B1)(G1) Activities: 3. Patterns That Damage Relationships (pgs 4-11)Teaches that committed, caring relationships require respect for others and their feelings through Communication Card activity and video clips.; “4. Danger Signs” (pgs. 5-11; See Poster found in the binder pocket; and Practice Video inside front cover.)These are destructive interactions and fundamentally inconsistent with showing respect to others—whether to family members, a dating partner, or schoolmates. (F1)(F2) Activity: 5. Insights from Marital Research Teens learn that a healthy marriage will decrease the likelihood that ones’ children will experience a host of difficulties. Teaches teens not only the association between healthy marriage and adult happiness, but teaches the key hallmarks of a healthy marriage. These interactions are associated with poor relationships, depression, divorce and sometimes, even violence. (pg 12) For about 30 years, researchers have been looking at the differences between happy and unhappy couples and the patterns are now very clear. In fact, the patterns are so clear that, compared to other variables researchers measure (they measure many things!), how people fight and how they communicate when a problem arises tells a large part of the story about how couples will do in the future. Even communication patterns from before they walk down the aisle and take their vows tell researchers a lot about how couples will do many years later.”(pgs 11-12) (G1)(G2) Activity: 6. Relationship Assessment: Green, Yellow, or Red Light?(pgs 21-22) & Resource 1c: Communication Patterns: What to Take, What to Leave (pgs 23-24). Enhances future orientation for improving risk assessment. The awareness gained through personal application in these assessments enhances a sense of personal efficacy—which helps teens in being able to adhere to their abstinence standards. In one assessment teens will examine the patterns in their own growing up experiences in order to identify unhealthy patterns they want to work to change for their future lives. Nothing has a greater influence over how we communicate that the patterns we have experienced in our families. “What are the positive patterns I want to carry with me into my adult life and what patterns are harmful and best left behind?. The beauty of being human is that we can consciously choose to change.” (pgs 14-15) In another assessment they identify patterns in a current friendship or dating relationship. In a serious relationship, it’s very important to discuss the patterns you value as well as the ones you deem harmful and want to avoid in relationships or in a future marriage. (pg 15) Contributes to future orientation. The same factors that researchers have found tear marriages apart, also ruin any relationship. The destructive communication patterns that harm marriages apply to all kinds of relationships—with your friends, with family members, with a girl/boyfriend, or at school or work. (pgs 12-15) Lesson 2: Skills to Counter Negative Patterns (G1) This lesson introduces skills to improve healthy decision-making, refusal skills and self-discipline. Being able to stop the action, take a time-out can be useful in discussions with boy/girlfriends that are difficult—especially regarding emotions or sexuality. Mastering the art of time-outs builds self-control that can be useful in many kinds of situations. The first skill, the time-out, is an essential tool. One of the most important skills for anyone to master is the art of time-outs. Being able to stop when things are escalating or about to boil over is a valuable asset. (G2) Activities: 2. Angry Brains Aren’t Smart Brains (pgs 26-29) and, 3. Time-outs: A Way Back to Your Smart Brain. (pgs 29-31) Teens gain insights on why people get out of control. Practicing the time-out skill contributes to self-efficacy, communicating boundaries, and avoiding risky situations. Teens learn that they can be assertive and do a “stop-action”. (G1)(G3) Activities: 5. Complaining and Griping: Being Heard, Not Ignored (pgs 32-37) and 6. Avoiding Negative Starts. (pgs 38-39 & 49-50) Teens learn and practice assertive ways for raising issues and complaints effectively that will help them assert their boundaries and goals regarding sex. Teens get practice in how to raise issues assertively, so another person can really hear them. Lesson 3: Filters: “I Did Not Say That!” and Personality Style Differences (B1)(G1) The skills taught here to counter negative filters as well as to respect personality style differences teach very directly that committed caring relationships require respect for others and their feelings. This contributes to an overall respect for a person’s values and boundaries. (B1)(G1) Activity: 2. Common Filters and How to Counter Them Research shows that people’s intentions are much more positive than what we might believe. Clearly, this tendency can only get us into trouble and lead to great misunderstandings and interpretations. In this lesson, teens will explore the reasons for these frequent misinterpretations of one another. We will examine the most common “filters” that color what we hear, say, see, and remember. We will also look at how things such as past experiences, family, culture, class, gender, beliefs, and expectations uniquely shape those filters. (pgs 52-75) Teens will learn and practice some simple but powerful ways to counteract the negative effects of filters on communication.(pgs 75, Resource 3D) (B1)(G1) Activities: 3. Understanding Personality Style (pgs 57-59) and 4. Assessing Your Style (pgs 59-60, Resource 3A) Personality styles can lead to “clashes,” because people have a tendency to think that their own style of communication, or way of doing things, seeing things, or judging things is the “right way” or the “only way.” In this sense, personality style can operate as a filter. We often make negative assumptions about how others see and do things because we view their ways through our own filter of personality style Lesson 4: I Don’t Want to Talk About It and the Speaker-Listener Technique (B1)(G1)(G2) The centerpiece of this lesson is a key skill called the Speaker-Listener Technique. This technique offers structure and a set of rules to use when talking about difficult or sensitive issues. Most people want to communicate well but haven’t learned how to do so when it really counts—that is, during conflicts or for very sensitive issues. (pgs 77-95) Practicing the Speaker-Listener Technique reinforces respect and caring. This will aid teens in being able to communicate clearly their boundaries—in verbal responses to sexual advances. (B1)(G1)(G2) 2. When One Wants to Talk but the Other Doesn’t (pgs 79-82) and 3. The Female –Male Problem: Mini Presentation (pgs 80-81) The insights gained here reinforce issues of respect. It is disrespectful to ignore another person’s feelings or concerns. The skill breaks through this troubling dynamic that often plagues male-female relationships (“I don’t want to talk about it!”). It will increase confidence and a sense of personal efficacy that a person can get through to the one they like or love. “Probably even at this young age, they will recognize that females more often want to pursue connection through talk.” (pgs 80-81) Lesson 5: Issues and Events: What Pushes Your Buttons? (D2)(B1)(G1) This lesson examines some of the most common problems and issues that arise in relationships, as well as a model and strategies for understanding and dealing with these conflicts and tensions in relationships. (pgs 97-112) Most importantly teens are offered a way to recognize some of the deeper emotional and psychological issues in romantic relationships—Commitment, Caring, Integrity, Recognition, Power and Control, and Acceptance. (B1 (G1) 1. Everyone Has Issues (pgs 98 -99) and, 4. Handling Hidden Issues (pgs 105-107) This lesson offers valuable insights and skills to handle issues. Teens will be able to put them to use in managing the pressures for sex in their relationship. “Point out that we all have issues, problems, and on-going irritations with people we care about or with people we deal with on a regular basis, such as a parent, friend, girl/boyfriend, teacher, or boss at work.” Activity: Brainstorm Teen Aggravations (pg 100) (D2) 4. Hidden Issues This topic is of vital importance in helping teens recognize and talk about some of the deeper emotional and psychological aspects of relationships and sexuality. Teens learn about the six most common hidden issues that can lie under the surface of many relationships—Commitment, Caring, Integrity, Recognition, Power and Control, and Acceptance. (pgs 105-107, Resource 5A, 5B) Lesson 6: Expectations (B1)(D2)(G1) 2. Where Expectations Come From and Putting Expectations to work for You The better two people get at identifying their important expectations and why they mean so much to that person, the better those two people will be able to communicate, handle differences, and work towards compromise. (pgs 115-117, Resource 6A, 6D) (G1 & G2) 3. Can of Worms: What Do You Expect? Teens get hands-on practice verbalizing boundaries and expectations about sex and romantic relationships. (pgs 118-119) Lesson 7: Problem Solving and Taking Care of Friendship (B1)(D2)(G1&G2) In this lesson, teens will learn about the importance and value of discussing issues or concerns before attempting to solve a problem; how it shows respect for one another’s concerns. Then teens will learn and practice a clear four-step problem-solving model. This model can be used in any arena of life. (pgs 127-137) Teens will observe that the young married couple, Della and Christopher, who are applying this problem-solving model. This scene reveals male-female differences in how they view intimacy. (pgs 131-132) (B1)(D2)(G1) 3. Taking Care of Friendship (P132-134) - Relationships of all kinds—friends, romantic, work, or family—are more satisfying and happy when individuals are intentional about maintaining their friendship. Activity: How Friends Talk, How Family Members Talk (pg 132)
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