CBAE Grant - Love U2^®: Relationship Smarts PLUS Word File

Love U2^® Relationship Smarts

Lesson 1:  Who Am I and Where Am I Going?

(H) Activities:  How I See Myself? (pgs 6-7), and Creation of Possible Selves Tree(pgs 8-9).   The worksheet application in this section prepares teens to create a Possible Selves Tree in Section 1.2.  Using the worksheet, How I See Myself (Resource 1a), a teen is first asked to explore who he or she is now in several contexts—as a person, as a family member, as a friend, and as a dating partner—if applicable.  Secondly, teens are asked to think about who they would like to become in the future in these same contexts.  Finally, teens are asked to identify the current supports that they have in each of these contexts. 

Lesson 2: Maturity Issues, What I Value

(A, E) Maturity-Four Dimensions (pgs 27-31), Activity: Maturity Scale (pg 32-33) (See  Maturity Poster found in pocket.) This activity encourages the development of personal character that will aid in maintaining commitment to abstinence. Mental maturity requires thinking about the consequences of our decisions before we make them. It means setting goals and delaying gratification to achieve goals; using your brain, not just impulses.”  Every decision has a consequence. Social maturity means thinking about your effect on others and standing up to peer pressure.

(G) Clarifying Values Activity:  Values Auction (pgs 34-35)  In this section, teens will participate in an auction-like activity as a vehicle for identifying the values that are important to them.  We encourage you to add values you feel may be missing or take out those you feel are inappropriate for your group.  Note that play money can be purchased from a dollar store to use with the auction.

(H) What’s Attractive to Me? (pgs 36-38);  Activity: Attractions Encourages teens to consider and value personality and character, not just superficial characteristics of someone. With friendships and boy/girlfriends, you shouldn’t just wait to be “chosen,” but you should do the “choosing” as well. It helps to have an idea in mind of what’s important to you.”Helps teens clarify personal, relational and sexual values.

Lesson 3:  Attractions and Infatuation

(B1)(E1)(D2 (G1) Activity: Relationship Pyramid (pgs 51-60); Activity: Build a Relationship (pgs 52-53) In this lesson, students will learn: that abstinence is the expected standard;  that abstinence can increase the freedom to fulfill age-appropriate, psycho-social, developmental stages; the stages of emotional intimacy and bonding;  the value of building and maintaining healthy relationships that are free from sexual involvement; and identifies examples of healthy sexual values within relationship development. Good relationships don’t just appear out of thin air. Relationships start and then they develop. Some relationships or marriages start on a bad or shaky foundation, especially with premature sexual involvement, and these often turn out to be a problem.

(D2) The Nature of Infatuation; Infatuation vs. Love Match Activity (pgs 65-66)
This lesson addresses the difference between love and mere chemistry or sexual attraction.

Lesson 4:  Love and Intimacy

(D2)  Eros and Agape Activities (pg 79-82) Teaches the difference between love and sex through the use of visuals, word contests and collage creations.

(D1)(D2)(E1) Three Sides of Love (pgs 83-85) Activity: Which Side of the Relationship Triangle?  (P 86-97, Resource 4c) This lesson is meant to get teens thinking about the meaning of the word “love”. It teaches that healthy human sexuality involves enduring fidelity, love and commitment. Teaches harmful effects of relationships based purely on sexual passion. “Say to the group: You might wonder what love really looks like in a mature relationship like marriage.Point out that some psychologists who write and study about love describe it as having three sides or three ingredients. It’s not just one thing.”

(D1) Interesting Research Findings (P 89) “Next, guess what sex researchers have found to be connected with sexual satisfaction—both physical and emotional—with married couples…. Marital researchers find that a key predictor of marriage success or failure is how well you communicate and handle conflict.”

Lesson 5:  Principles of Smart Relationships

(B1)(D2(E1)(G1)(G2)) Smart or Not-So-Smart (pgs 111-113);  Seven Principles of Smart Relationships (pgs 114-120) (See Poster: Seven Principles of Smart Relationships found in binder’s back pocket.)This lesson offers extremely compelling guides and concrete practice through real life teen relationship scenarios for how to build and gauge healthy relationships. Reinforces the importance for basic respect for sexual values, having a bottom line, and refusing to be pressured or manipulated. “Pay attention to values---especially those about sex, drugs and alcohol.” “Have a bottom line—expect respect.” “Don’t play games, be pressured or manipulated.” “Sometimes people may be so desperate for a relationship or friendship that they delude themselves about who the other person really is. They’re in love with an idea of who they’d like this person to be, not who they really are. Sometimes people believe that they can “fix” their date or friend and that their “flaws” can evaporate under their influence.” “Likewise, don’t change who you are to get someone’s love.”

Lesson 6:  The Low-Risk Approach to Relationships: Decide, Don’t Slide!

(A)(E)(G)The High Risk “Sliding” Approach (pgs 140-144);   The Low-Risk “Deciding Approach (pgs 145-149) This lesson explores why people can easily get swept up and involved in poor relationship choices.  It introduces an important concept that will be referenced in future lessons—Decide, Don’t Slide!  Young people often “slide” into situations instead of making informed decisions about those to whom they are attracted, what they value, and what they want in a relationship. The low-risk “deciding” approach to relationships, presented in this lesson, can reduce the chances of becoming involved in unhealthy relationships. Lively activities will offer teens insights on what’s important to learn about people to whom they may be attracted. This lesson aims to build skills and awareness for taking a wise approach towards building relationships and avoiding the risks associated with “sliding.”

Lesson 7:  Is it a Healthy Relationship?

(E1)(G1)(D2)(C) Signs of Healthy Relationships (pgs 178-191)Activities:  Is It? Cards (pgs 178-179) and Relationship Sculptures (pgs 180-182) This lesson offers concrete and practical guidance on how to tell if a relationship is healthy or unhealthy.  While answering three essential questions, the lesson explores what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like in the real world.  Is the relationship conditional or is it unconditional?  Is the relationship controlling or is it equal, respectful, and supportive?  And is the relationship mostly physical or is there attraction on many levels?  These questions address the quality of a relationship and how a relationship feels.  A fun sculpting activity aids in distinguishing between the negative and positive answers to the questions. This activity teaches that abstinence increases the freedom to enjoy emotional health; provides a clear framework for improving risk assessment and healthy decision-making; and, teaches the nature of emotional intimacy and bonding. The information applied to a sculpting activity offers a powerfully visual hands-on way to understand emotionally healthy relationships without sex.

Lesson 8: Breaking Up and Dating Abuse

(E)(G)Breaking Up (pgs 204-211) and Dating Abuse (pgs 212-223) The first topic of this lesson—breaking up—follows naturally from the previous lesson on healthy and unhealthy relationships.  The activities in the first part of the lesson offer guidance on how to determine if it is time to break up.  Other activities help teens learn about better and worse ways to breakup.  Most importantly, teens will gain some tips on how to move forward after a breakup.

The second topic of this lesson is dating abuse.  Some teens do not realize they are in relationships that are already abusive or relationships that are headed in that direction.  Many teens are unclear about what respect and normal boundaries in relationships look like.  This lesson will educate teens about the serious problems and patterns of intimate partner violence and what to do if they or someone they know is in an abusive relationship.  The first activity raises awareness of abuse and the early warning signs.  The second activity addresses taking action and focuses on prevention and early intervention. By offering practice in setting boundaries and applying them with the first signs of disrespect.  This lesson incorporates media from the Choose Respect website, a major dating abuse prevention initiative from the Centers for Disease Control.  Note that this lesson can take more time, depending on whether teens view the video in session or outside of session.

Lesson 9:  A Foundation for Good Communication

(G1)(G2) What to Keep, What to Leave Behind: Patterns Learned Growing Up (pgs 242-246) – Activity: Communication Patterns Questionnaire. (pgs 242-243) Enhances future orientation for improving risk assessment. The awareness gained through personal application in these assessments enhances a sense of personal efficacy—which helps teens in being able to adhere to their abstinence standards. In one assessment teens will examine the patterns in their own growing up experiences in order to identify unhealthy patterns they want to work to change for their future lives. Nothing has a greater influence over how we communicate that the patterns we have experienced in our families. “What are the positive patterns I want to carry with me into my adult life and what patterns are harmful and best left behind?. The beauty of being human is that we can consciously choose to change.” In another assessment they identify patterns in a current friendship or dating relationship. In a serious relationship, it’s very important to discuss the patterns you value as well as the ones you deem harmful and want to avoid in relationships or in a future marriage. Contributes to future orientation. The same factors that researchers have found tear marriages apart, also ruin any relationship. The destructive communication patterns that harm marriages apply to all kinds of relationships—with your friends, with family members, with a girl/boyfriend, or at school or work.

(G1) Time Outs-What to Do (pgs 251-255)  This lesson introduces skills to improve healthy decision-making, refusal skills and self-discipline. Being able to stop the action, take a time-out can be useful in discussions with boy/girlfriends that are difficult—especially regarding emotions or sexuality. Mastering the art of time-outs builds self-control that can be useful in many kinds of situations. The first skill, the time-out, is an essential tool. One of the most important skills for anyone to master is the art of time-outs. Being able to stop when things are escalating or about to boil over is a valuable asset. 

(G2)(H) Activities: Angry Brains Demonstration  (pg 250) and Time-outs: The Brain. (pgs 247-249) Teens gain insights on why people get out of control. Practicing the time-out skill contributes to self-efficacy, communicating boundaries, and avoiding risky situations. Teens learn that they can be assertive and do a “stop-action”.  

(B1)(G1)(G2) The Speaker-Listener Technique (pgs 256-262)  The centerpiece of this lesson is a key skill called the Speaker-Listener Technique. This technique offers structure and a set of rules to use when talking about difficult or sensitive issues. Most people want to communicate well but haven’t learned how to do so when it really counts—that is, during conflicts or for very sensitive issues. Practicing the Speaker-Listener Technique reinforces respect and caring. This will aid teens in being able to communicate clearly their boundaries—in verbal responses to sexual advances.

(B1)(D2)(G1&G2) A Simple Problem Solving Model (pgs 262-267)  In this lesson, teens will learn about the importance and value of discussing issues or concerns before attempting to solve a problem; how it shows respect for one another’s concerns. Then teens will learn and practice a clear four-step problem-solving model. This model can be used in any arena of life. (pgs 265-266)

Lesson 10: Communication Challenges and More Skills

(B1)(G1) Patterns That Damage Relationships (pgs 282-284) and The Four Danger Signs (pgs 285-290)  Activities: Communication Cards (pgs 283-284)Teaches that committed, caring relationships require respect for others and their feelings through Communication Card activity. These are destructive interactions and fundamentally inconsistent with showing respect to others—whether to family members, a dating partner, or schoolmates.

(G1)(G3) Complaining and Griping: Being Heard, Not Ignored (pgs 291-299)and Avoiding Negative Starts. (pgs 298-299) Teens learn and practice assertive ways for raising issues and complaints effectively that will help them assert their boundaries and goals regarding sex. Teens get practice in how to raise issues assertively, so another person can really hear them.

Lesson 11: Through the Eyes of a Child

(A)(F1) What a Baby Wants Activity: Family Wanted (pgs 319-320). Builds a foundation for understanding the many gains for the child by waiting until marriage for sex. Teens write ads for an unborn child looking for a family. Teens become aware of how marriage is the structure, which can improve the well being of children. Ask the group to consider the ways in which a healthy marriage might help achieve the qualities and characteristics they have just described in their ads.
 
(E2)(F1)(H) Test Your Baby Smarts (pgs 326-331) Informs teens of the risks of decreased school completion and income potential for teen parents. Presents research findings on the harmful risks for poverty, abuse, school failure, emotional and behavioral problems, and incarceration faced by children born out of wedlock. Powerfully brings home the importance of attaining self-sufficiency before engaging in sex—which can always possibly create a child.
 
(F1)(H) Child Developmental Needs (pgs. 332-336) Shows why bearing a child out of wedlock is likely to have harmful consequences for children. Underscores the importance of achieving self-sufficiency before having a child—a key risk of pre-marital sex. A mini-presentation teaches how marriage may decrease the risks of maternal stress and exposure to teratogens, and improve nutrition—all of which help a developing fetus. This presentation shows how the quality of the parental union—marriage—can assist the attachment process and help parents provide the nurturing experiences children need.

(D2)(E1)(F2) What about Fathers? (pg 337-346) A deeply engaging and compelling contemporary music activity teaches that non-marital sex may harm others, that it carries potential psychological effects (depression, domestic violence, suicide) for children who result from pre-marital sex; the harmful effects of relationship failure and the unstable nature of these relationships. Activity: Sculpt or Draw: Do Fathers Contribute Something Unique? (pg 338)  Shows how non-marital sex may harm others.

(F2) Activity: The Case of Disappearing Fathers. (pg 345) Increasing numbers of children live apart from their biological fathers as divorce and unmarried childbearing have increased in society (see Father Facts from National Fatherhood Initiative). Currently, thirty-four percent of children live apart from fathers. The most troubling aspect of this fact is that for most children who do not live with their fathers, there is an all-too-common pattern of gradual disappearance of a father from their daily lives. Only one in six children who live in father-absent homes see their fathers weekly. Forty percent of kids in father-absent homes have not seen their dads in the past year. In studies of divorce, we find that ten years after a divorce, two-thirds of all kids have not seen their dad in the past year. The pattern is clear: Dad often becomes steadily more distant as well as financially and emotionally disengaged. Only forty percent of the kids eligible for legal child support awards receive them. Where it is legally established, only one-third receive the full amount and one-quarter receive none. It is important to note, however, that ninety percent of fathers that have joint custody pay their entire child support on time

Lesson 12:  Looking Towards the Future: Healthy Relationships and Healthy Marriages

(B)(E)(F)  This lesson tackles a central question many young people wonder about—can good relationships last and is a successful marriage really possible today?  While surveys show that young people strongly value marriage as a personal goal for themselves, they have less confidence that they will actually achieve it.  This lesson aims to build confidence in relationship and marriage success.  Teens will learn that we are in a more hopeful place today because of empirical research findings on marriage success and failure. We now have a better idea of the patterns that protect and the patterns that erode couple relationships. Teens will learn that skills-based prevention education programs have emerged from this research to help couples avoid the pitfalls and build effective strategies for success.  Risky Mate Selection, Wise Mate Selection:  Activity: It Matters Who You Choose and Characteristics of a Great Marriage (pgs 273-375)
Teens will also learn about the important research findings on cohabitation that can help them make more informed decisions after they leave high school. Important Considerations About Living Together (pgs 376-383) Finally, teens will learn about a clear four-step “Success Sequence” that will dramatically reduce their chances of poverty and improve their chances of successful relationships and marriage in the future.  The Success Sequence and Ways to Reduce Your Personal Chance of Divorce and Poverty (pgs 384-286)The social science information in this lesson—delivered through activities and in teen-friendly language—can  empower teens to make choices that will take them toward and not away from the important goals they may have for their lives

Lesson 13: Follow Your North Star

(D)(F) (H) This entire program aims to help young people cultivate a “North Star”—a positive and realistic vision for healthy romantic relationships.  Young people who possess a guiding “North Star,” as well as the skills and insights to pursue it, will be better positioned to navigate their way through the choppy waters of adolescence and young adulthood.  What happens with one’s romantic relationships—now or in the future—is a major consequence.  It can affect success in other areas of life.  This curriculum will increase teens’ knowledge base and help them know there are decisions they can make—steps they can take and skills they can learn—to achieve their goals.