Building Relationship Skills Newsletter
May 2005

Dear Friends,

It’s not to late to be a part of this summer’s free training opportunity for those of us who are interested in helping young people learn the relationship skills they will need to eventually enjoy a healthy marriage.

On Monday, June 27th, Marline Pearson of the Love U2^® series, Charlene Kamper of the CONNECTIONS series and Nancy McLaren, the Director of the Loving Well Project will conduct a free all day training session following the Smart Marriages Conference in Dallas. The post-conference institute which is scheduled from 8:30 am until 5:30 pm is free of charge. The authors will train participants in how to use their materials in order to teach students the essential skills that are central to building healthy marriages. Their programs are easily adaptable beyond the classroom to churches, youth agencies and community settings.

Although you need not register for the Smart Marriage conference in order to come to this training, the Smart Marriage conference is a great opportunity to meet and hear key people in the Marriage Education Movement. As an incentive to attend the entire conference, the early bird rate has been extended for those attendees who also register for the FREE post-conference institute.

In order to get the early rate for the conference and to sign up for the post-conference institute, visit www.smartmarriages.com to download a printable registration form. To get the discount, you must fax the registration form instead of signing up on-line. On the form, please note the following: "Early rate extended per INSTITUTE # 918" Remember, you need not register for the Smart Marriage conference in order to come to this training (although you would be missing out on a most amazing opportunity to meet and hear the folks who are at the center of the Marriage Education Movement!).

Best Regards,

Kay Reed

P.S. It’s almost here!! Look for the new Love U2^® unit, Baby Smarts, to be launched in June!!!

A bill before the governor seeks model lessons on relationships. Opponents
worry it would marginalize nontraditional homes.

By Tomas Alex Tizon, Times Staff Writer

The wording of the original bill was so strident that lawmakers made it clear
that it would not pass. That version required all high schools to offer family
preservation classes as electives. Instead, after some wrangling, legislators
settled on a version that required only that the state superintendent create a
family preservation curriculum, one that school districts would then be urged
to use as a guide.

(SURE have to wish this were the "other" Washington, that it was recognized
on a national level that teaching marriage and relationship skills in high
school and middle school makes obvious good sense. - diane )

SEATTLE Addressing the disintegration of traditional families, Washington
lawmakers this month took a step in requiring schools to teach "family
preservation" classes in essence making relationships as important as
reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic.

The Legislature passed a bill, awaiting the governor's signature, that
requires the state superintendent of public schools to develop a family
preservation curriculum that school districts will be urged to use as a
model.

Supporters say the classes would teach high school students how to form and
maintain loving relationships, resolve conflicts, and deal with stress,
grief and disappointment all vital to keeping families strong. A few other
states have passed or are considering similar legislation, including
Florida, New Jersey and New York.

Opponents say the measure could push schools into a realm in which they
don't belong, namely defining what is right and wrong within families and
idealizing a traditional "Beaver Cleaver" nuclear family that would
marginalize others, such as same-sex couples, single parents and blended
families.

"It seems innocent enough on its face. I mean what could be wrong with
preserving the family, right?" said state Rep. Steve Kirby, a Democrat from
Tacoma who opposes the measure. But Kirby said the language of the
legislation was so broad that it gave individual school districts the
license to veer into sensitive and personal, even private, issues.

Kirby says he is part of a blended family: He and his wife were previously
married and now both have step-children. He said he didn't like the idea of
"a teacher standing up in front of my son and giving him the impression that
somehow his family is substandard."

"One of my concerns would be my son coming home and telling me, 'Guess what,
Dad? We're doing things wrong,' " he said.

Children from other nontraditional families, such as those with same-sex or
single parents, could also feel alienated, Kirby said.

The major force behind the legislation, Larry Kvamme, a citizen activist
from Tacoma, said there was no hidden agenda in the law to advocate one form
of family over another. The emphasis, he said, is to teach the importance of
relationships and explore the dynamics that lead to either good
relationships or bad ones.

According to Kvamme and sponsors of the bill, an average of 114 marriages
and 75 divorces occur every day in Washington. Half of the divorces involve
couples with children.

Kvamme said studies showed that children from broken or single-parent
families did worse in school, had a higher chance of getting into trouble
and were more likely to perpetuate a cycle of unstable relationships.

"This kind of teaching shouldn't really be considered controversial," Kvamme
said. "The thrust is not in teaching values, it's in teaching personal
skills."

The wording of the original bill was so strident that lawmakers made it
clear that it would not pass. That version required all high schools to
offer family preservation classes as electives. Instead, after some
wrangling, legislators settled on a version that required only that the
state superintendent create a family preservation curriculum, one that
school districts would then be urged to use as a guide.

That curriculum, according to the superintendent's office, would include
classes on developing "respectful and caring relationships in the family,
workplace and community," and "integrating multiple life roles and
responsibilities in family, work and community settings."

Kvamme and supporters plan to keep pushing the issue.

Roxanne Trees, a family-education director for the Seattle School District,
said the plan was to lobby the state Board of Education to take the measure
one step further by requiring that such classes be taught in high schools.

Trees, a former education chair for the American Assn. of Family and
Consumer Sciences, an advocacy group, said such classes were part of a
growing national movement to make schools more involved in teaching personal
development skills to young adults.

Trees once taught a class on family education and relationships at Ingraham
High School in Seattle. She said one of her teaching methods involved the
use of role playing exercises to help teenagers get in touch with their
emotions.

In one exercise, a student would sit in front of a chalkboard. On the board
was a long list of emotions, such as anger, resentment, hurt and joy. One by
one, other students would get in the subject's face and make declarative
statements such as "You never do anything right. You make me sick," or "You
were a big help, and I appreciate it."

After each statement, the student would point to the word that best
described how the statement made him or her feel. The idea, Trees said, was
that once the subject pinpointed his or her emotions, the student could then
communicate it more easily to others.

Bernie Bagaoisan, a 1994 Ingraham graduate, recalls Trees' class. At the
time, Bagaoisan's parents "worked all the time and had no time" for him and
his younger brother. He said they were basically left to fend for
themselves.

"We never learned the basic things about relationships, about treating
people with respect and why that's important," he said. Bagaoisan credits
Trees' class with helping improve his relationship with his parents and
his future wife.

Rep. Dave Quall, a Democrat and a chief sponsor of the bill, put it this
way:

"You can make a case that the most important thing we'll do in this life is
be part of a family," he said. And yet many young people "get very little
preparation in this area. We just thought this would be a way for schools
to do their part."

At Smart Marriages, we are so supportive of the concept of teaching marriage
skills/knowledge/information to high school students that we have many
workshop, a keynote and two FREE Institutes - both pre and post conference
-- on the excellent curricula available and ready to "open box and teach."
We STRONGLY encourage you to find legislators who will support such
legislation in your state AND/OR simply work with the school systems and get
these curricula available in your Community Healthy Marriage Initiatives.

Here are the FREE Institutes:

117 One Day - Thursday, June 23 - Free admission. NO CEU. Dallas
School & Youth Marriage Education Programs
Active Relationships - Amanda Weatherby
Building Relationships - Peter Larson, PhD
PAIRS for PEERS - Ellen Purcell
PARTNERS - Lynne Gold-Bikin, JD
Relationship Intelligence - Richard Panzer
We have to start with the kids! These programs - being taught
across the country - teach students about the skills that are
central to building and maintaining good marriages. Curricula are
easily adapted to classroom, church or community and youth
group settings. Teens also encouraged to attend.

918 One Day - Monday, June 27 - Free admission. NO CEU. Dallas
School & Youth Marriage Education Programs
Kay Reed, chair
Love U2^® - Marline Pearson, MA
CONNECTIONS - Char Kamper, MA, Scott Gardner, PhD
Loving Well - Nancy McLaren, MAT
We have to start with the kids! These research-based, best practice,
developmentally appropriate programs - being taught
across the country - teach students the skills that are
central to building and maintaining healthy marriages. Curricula are
easily adapted to classroom, church or community and youth
group settings. Teens encouraged to attend. See #117.